Ugh. Fuck. Perfectly good Sunday down the drain. You know, I love my brother without end. I used to think he could do no wrong. Now I'm starting to see how cruel he is.

I'm not going back to Grove next year. My grades have gone to hell in a fucking hand basket in the past two years and, while I love the environment, it's not for me. It's too laid back, it's all so, so. And I fell into mindset of "Oh, I have two days to do it. I don't need to do it now" and then it'd never get done. I can't handle that. This year I've decided to home school. I did it all through junior high, met with a teacher every month, all my courses were online. Sure, I probably fell into a deep depression that I'm still having a hard time escaping, but I got shit done. Six hours worth of work; all of it done in two. Oh, but dear old brother doesn't like that. He wants me to socialize, to have hundreds of friends, that if I don't I'll regret it all in the future.

I don't want hundreds of friends. Because then they'll cheat, lie, steal, anything they can do to milk me dry and then toss me aside so easily like a broken toy. No one has a hundred friends they can trust with their lives. I don't want to fucking go through all of that. I went through it once. And it was with a best friend. I don't want to socialize with people. I'm perfectly content sitting in a room by myself with nothing but my computer. I have all the friends I need. And I love every single one of them. I actually make the effort to see them as often as I can. And who at Grove will do that when I'm gone? Fifteen will probably wonder where I've gone. Five of them will actually ask me. One of which will talk about meeting up sometime. None of them will go through with it.

Then I had the chance to hang with him for four days at his place. Went to a couple of outdoor restaurants (because we had Damen). I decided to open up a little bit. About that lingering thought that I'll end up dying alone because I was meant to, about how I'm not a big fan of kids. I should've just kept my mouth shut. Because no one understands. I'm not even sure I understand myself. But still, I don't want a reply like "You're too young to be thinking about that." The one about the kids still gets to me.

"You have to learn patience or else you'll be the one to drive a wedge between your sisters."

Excuse me? I see. I guess family bonds suck ass then, especially ours. Oh, the kids will not want to see you! They won't have good memories! They won't like you!

FUCK. OFF. The day I learn patience with kids is the day I have them, and since everyone expects me to die a virgin, then either it's not happening or wait till I'm not a fucking teenager anymore and I know what the fucking hell I'm talking about.

So basically I can't please anybody and I'll be the death of the family. I guess I'll just go back to public school then and fuck the first guy I see. Or maybe I should die since it's either me or the family.

I need an emo corner.

Starving

I'm having a desperate need to find new music. Any, all, just something. I wish I could do what I sometimes do and come across a really good band, but of course it's hard to differentiate between sounds when you're constantly looking. Still doesn't mean I won't stop looking until I'm satisfied for, hmm... a week?

Maybe it doesn't help that I just finished both seasons of Sherlock. Mom was really hooked, a first for any kind of the shows I've tried to sucker her into. 'Course, she loves anything Sherlock and really enjoyed the modern twist to the BBC series. So now that we've finished, she's dying to for the next season. I am too, I wanna know how Sherlock escaped death. I knew he would so I didn't think there was a need to get torn up over the fact that he was gonna die. But freaking John. I swear, that dude nearly reduced me to tears. God, I wanted to punch something after that. Like, "NO. JOHN. NO. DON'T YOU DARE MAKE ME- OH FREAKING GOD." Yea, not fair.

I've also been catching up on some Doctor Who in my free time. Finished season 1... up to The Impossible Planet on season 2. Brilliant episodes with awesome characters. I'm "eh" about Rose. I think she does well when she knows her comfort zone is secure, but once that's taken away or changed she completely breaks down. As in The Christmas Invasion. She did nothing but cry the entire time, just 'cause Ten was still regenerating. So... think she's got some security issues. Might rub off from Mickey. God, he's annoying. I think Rose was starting to get sick of him, too. You could see it when she attempted to coax Sarah Jane to join instead of Mickey (Sarah Jane must be from the original DW or something because The Doctor knew her but you don't see her in new series and what).

So yea, that's about my summer in a nutshell.

Been busy the past couple of days. Or weeks. When was last I posted on here? I can't recall off the top of my head. Been working furiously on the D.V. blogs. Got a blog for almost every one of my characters. Between Brigitte and I, there's got to be around... fifty in all? Enough to notice a pattern:

I create strong women, some of whom are emotionally challenged and have no concept of love or sympathy. My men are usually weak and are shy as hell. 'Course that's been changing lately. Got about... three men who are badass. But again, emotionally challenged.

Brigitte makes lots of badass guys. Act very proper, ripped to the T, and some of which are mercenaries. She told me her women aren't that strong, though again there are exceptions.

We're gonna bring about the apocalypse. In the story. Although I wouldn't be surprised if we caused it in real life. Lol.

I'm noticing my music library growing considerably. And yet I still find myself constrained. I want more. 0.0 ... I'm not crazy. XD

Umm... there was more I wanted to say but since I haven't had my morning coffee, I'm still a walking zombie. I'll probably be back on here later when it finally does dawn on me.