Today is both horrible and amazing. I forgot my supplies for my percussion minicourse and I felt like crap. Even cried in the school bathroom stalls for 20 minutes before finally calming down. But then I get to the class and it turns out half of the people were helping with the play preparations anyway. So we got to do whatever we liked, which was relieving. I opted to do my homework, cuz I have a ton of it, but didn't get much done cuz I don't understand much of it. It's math, so that shouldn't surprise me. Ugh. Sometimes I wish I wasn't math illiterate.

I was supposed to do an Ocarina performance today for the art rally, but I decided not to do it. I know it probably wasn't the right thing to do, but I hadn't memorized any songs and didn't feel particularly obligated to the club anyway. Especially since it's technically been disbanded. It was created for a senior project and it was poorly run. We basically just did whatever we wanted and learned whatever songs we wanted to learn on our own. And yet by the end of it, the senior lashed out at us for not learning three songs comprehensively as a group to meet the goal of his project. He threw a fit; punching walls wherever he went. I don't know; is that not good enough reason for me not to feel obligated? I wasn't about to do his senior project for him, which is what he was obviously expected from the members. That everything was going to magically happen in his favor. Pft!

Next will be my Music Changing Lives minicourse... I have to record a song of my choosing. Though you're alone with just the recording device, I never cease to get stage fright. I know everything will flow smoothly once I start singing... Overall, it's a very stressful Wednesday. Next week is supposed to rain... during CST's.

Can I take a nap now?

Bleh.

School teaches you a lot about yourself. How committed you are to things, which traits you favor in a person or adult, and respect... amongst the countless things your supposed to be learning.

I keep thinking I might be an existentialist. We go over it in English class to describe the authors of the Lost Generation. They don't believe in a God, which I'm also eh about. I do somewhat sort of believe in fate and destiny. They also see no point or meaning in life... and that's the part I'm struggling with the most. I'm pretty sure there's meaning to the things that happen in life... my life, however, I'm not so sure about. I mean... I always think on the grander scale of things. One human life in the sea of billions... and how can I make sure to make mine worthwhile? Maybe that sounds a little selfish... and yet I feel like I have an obligation. They highlight the people who've made a change in the world... kind of hard not too, but... for me, it's like setting the bar. Either do something for the world or your life means nothing? I don't know... the more I keep thinking about it, the more ridiculous it sounds. To the people and family who want me to succeed, it sounds like a terrible excuse for my lack of motivation.

I shouldn't be surprised. Adults just take what I say with a grain of salt. So then I don't say anything and they just assume I'm fine.

I lost my train of thought. It derailed on me. Thinking like this really gets me tired. I suppose it's because I've revisited it so often expecting something from it and it just feels tedious. Plus, it's the morning... I'm not quite awake yet. But it always feels like that. I'm always tired and everything passes by in a passive kind of way...

I just wanna wake up so bad. >.<

That Which They Call My Salvation

I had an epiphany.

Sounds crazy, but I may make another blog... I know, I haven't been up to date with my other ones (I'm also secretly hoping this will get me back involved so that way I can finish them). But it'll be about the story Brigitte, V, and I are writing... I may have already said the name and concept but hey, no harm for a recap?

It's called D.V. Night and it follows the story of twin vampire sisters Dusk and Vyra Roseland. They flee to Japan after their identity as vampires is revealed. They have two brothers, Alkirn (older) and Solar (younger) and a mother, Wyoka. Their father, Dante Lestrade, died in an attempt to prevent a prophecy he himself created about the end of the world concerning his twin daughters (that if the twins were born, the world would begin its end; if only one child was born, everything would remain in balance). Their mother a vampire and their father a human, every one of the children except Dusk (maybe Alkirn) are half-breeds. There's a creature, born every few millenia, called an Auranov that eats souls instead of blood and is one born of pure darkness. When one is born, he/she is automatically appointed ruler of the vampire and Vampire Council. Dusk is an Auranov. It would have been Alkirn if she had not been born, so instead he's a Dark Vampire. Solar's a Bat Master, who matured at the early age of ten...

I feel like there are too many technicalities. Heehee. Oh, well... they are important. Later, their important. XD I should probably make the point of this whole idea, yes? Yes, you should do that Lexi. <- Yes, I talk to myself... out loud sometimes, too, people look at me funny. Ha!

Well, the whole story is basically a supernatural soap opera... not to be confused with Supernatural (although I've never seen a blip of it so I have no idea). Lot to do with correcting the balance of light and darkness, too... Anyway, we've incorporated a fair amount of characters from Brigitte's stories (including Lucian and Seraphina, from the book Forbidden she was gonna write for her Senior Project). V's created one: a half dragon, half pheonix? I think that's it. Mostly, though, half of the characters are either vampires or werewolves. I can honestly say this is my first story to have this many plot twists and characters. Maybe I'll grit my teeth and actually sit down and write it all out. I've already kept a good timeline, so that should help me loads!

Anyway, that's my epiphany. Create a blog with this story... Still, full with indecision. Especially the title. The story is called D.V. Night... I kinda like the title I used for this post, though. Blah! Indecision! Heehee.