Bleh.

School teaches you a lot about yourself. How committed you are to things, which traits you favor in a person or adult, and respect... amongst the countless things your supposed to be learning.

I keep thinking I might be an existentialist. We go over it in English class to describe the authors of the Lost Generation. They don't believe in a God, which I'm also eh about. I do somewhat sort of believe in fate and destiny. They also see no point or meaning in life... and that's the part I'm struggling with the most. I'm pretty sure there's meaning to the things that happen in life... my life, however, I'm not so sure about. I mean... I always think on the grander scale of things. One human life in the sea of billions... and how can I make sure to make mine worthwhile? Maybe that sounds a little selfish... and yet I feel like I have an obligation. They highlight the people who've made a change in the world... kind of hard not too, but... for me, it's like setting the bar. Either do something for the world or your life means nothing? I don't know... the more I keep thinking about it, the more ridiculous it sounds. To the people and family who want me to succeed, it sounds like a terrible excuse for my lack of motivation.

I shouldn't be surprised. Adults just take what I say with a grain of salt. So then I don't say anything and they just assume I'm fine.

I lost my train of thought. It derailed on me. Thinking like this really gets me tired. I suppose it's because I've revisited it so often expecting something from it and it just feels tedious. Plus, it's the morning... I'm not quite awake yet. But it always feels like that. I'm always tired and everything passes by in a passive kind of way...

I just wanna wake up so bad. >.<