Ugh. Fuck. Perfectly good Sunday down the drain. You know, I love my brother without end. I used to think he could do no wrong. Now I'm starting to see how cruel he is.

I'm not going back to Grove next year. My grades have gone to hell in a fucking hand basket in the past two years and, while I love the environment, it's not for me. It's too laid back, it's all so, so. And I fell into mindset of "Oh, I have two days to do it. I don't need to do it now" and then it'd never get done. I can't handle that. This year I've decided to home school. I did it all through junior high, met with a teacher every month, all my courses were online. Sure, I probably fell into a deep depression that I'm still having a hard time escaping, but I got shit done. Six hours worth of work; all of it done in two. Oh, but dear old brother doesn't like that. He wants me to socialize, to have hundreds of friends, that if I don't I'll regret it all in the future.

I don't want hundreds of friends. Because then they'll cheat, lie, steal, anything they can do to milk me dry and then toss me aside so easily like a broken toy. No one has a hundred friends they can trust with their lives. I don't want to fucking go through all of that. I went through it once. And it was with a best friend. I don't want to socialize with people. I'm perfectly content sitting in a room by myself with nothing but my computer. I have all the friends I need. And I love every single one of them. I actually make the effort to see them as often as I can. And who at Grove will do that when I'm gone? Fifteen will probably wonder where I've gone. Five of them will actually ask me. One of which will talk about meeting up sometime. None of them will go through with it.

Then I had the chance to hang with him for four days at his place. Went to a couple of outdoor restaurants (because we had Damen). I decided to open up a little bit. About that lingering thought that I'll end up dying alone because I was meant to, about how I'm not a big fan of kids. I should've just kept my mouth shut. Because no one understands. I'm not even sure I understand myself. But still, I don't want a reply like "You're too young to be thinking about that." The one about the kids still gets to me.

"You have to learn patience or else you'll be the one to drive a wedge between your sisters."

Excuse me? I see. I guess family bonds suck ass then, especially ours. Oh, the kids will not want to see you! They won't have good memories! They won't like you!

FUCK. OFF. The day I learn patience with kids is the day I have them, and since everyone expects me to die a virgin, then either it's not happening or wait till I'm not a fucking teenager anymore and I know what the fucking hell I'm talking about.

So basically I can't please anybody and I'll be the death of the family. I guess I'll just go back to public school then and fuck the first guy I see. Or maybe I should die since it's either me or the family.

I need an emo corner.