Always reassuring whenever a queer person is actually represented on television or a movie and my mom rolls her eyes. Except this time I actually feel like I'm ready to lash out because I've been questioning who and what I am for the past year and so far have not made any headway. Which I guess is fine, I should take my time with these things but I think I'd feel better if I knew for sure.

I'm not uncomfortable as a girl, but I remember having dreams about a year or so ago where I was a man and it felt so lucid. More lucid and clear than any dream I've ever had before. I find men and women attractive... but I don't feel any attraction to anyone I know or have met. And honestly that last bit could be because of the cliché "you haven't met the right one yet" but I figured after 20 years of being on this planet I would've had at least one relationship, if not one crush. Not those fake high school relationships where everyone does it for status rather than actual feelings (or at least the ones I had been in felt like). 

So I've just been mentally referring myself as a gelatinous blob floating on a rock in space. Simple with short lived satisfaction. I'll probably have another one of these existential crises in about a month or so. I always said when I was younger that I could never love a man because I was married to my art... that's probably my problem, I haven't drawn anything in months. Har har.