Back on the Freight Train

Getting ready for this party has been a nightmare. This is putting aside the fact Damen ran out of the house chasing after a rabbit. I got hysterical overreacting as usual which "concerned" my brother that I was in literal tears because I nearly lost my dog. This was after I'd already gotten him back safe in the house. Our landlords were outside while I went chasing after him, and after I got Damen cowering his way back to the house, they joked to my mother how vulgar I had been chasing him.

Which makes me want to crawl into the deepest, darkest cave and shrivel away. I don't know, having other people know how bad I can get just makes me assume they'll judge me based on that.

Tried making chocolate dipped strawberries but had to fuck that up too. The chocolate shells on the bottom stuck to the plates and ripped off.

So, all in all, I feel ashamed of my emotions and I want to cut out my tongue. All my siblings are here at the house to help prepare for the party, which oddly gives me the feeling of being a stranger in my own home. Another thing to add to that list.

Tired as hell, don't know what I'm typing anymore. Really don't want to do this.